( How about this? )

Tags: Earth Whump, BAMF Astrodude, BAMF Astrowife (minor role), Earth Needs A Hug (but then so does everyone), Theia and Proto both give and need hugs, Vent Fic, Humanity (or at least a good chunk of it) is a PLAGUE, This concept started as a Sex Pollen Fic, There Is No Sex Now Though, Loss of Bodily Autonomy, Chemically-Enforced Loss of Cognitive Control, Brain Uploading (When You Are A Planet, and then are no longer a planet), Suicidal Ideation, Humanity Takes To Space (and handles the planets being sentient REALLY BADLY), ohhhh we're really putting Earth through it this time!